Torn

So I know that everyone that knows our situations thinks that the kids going to daycare is a blessing for me. Yes, I am getting more sleep - not always quality sleep, but I am missing my babies so much. It is not quite the euphoria I had in my mind, being well rested and nice family evenings. Reality is I only see my kids for about 15 minutes in the morning, them I pick up from school and they are exhausted and crabby, we get through dinner and then time for baths and time for bed. Of course after we get home I have time with them and before bed we usually play in Jilli's room and read books, but I feeling like something is missing.

Most of my neighborhood friend are either stay at home moms or work for a school and have the summer off. They are planning all these fun summer things to do together and I so want to do them, but it is just not fitting into life right now. That makes me really sad. Deanna Rose was one of those thing, which was super fun, but this Friday is swimming and I don't know if I could handle both of them at a public pool or if it would even be safe. So I think that what I am going to do is try and do some activities with them individually - just alternating turns and then I won't feel like we are doing nothing.

I think maybe because this is our first full week of Andy working, the fact that I am trying to start working out again and watch what I am eating and that I still have some reservations about whether this is the right school for Drew has made this a stressful week. I told Andy that fat girl + food deprivation = irritability, so be warned. Plus I thought working out was supposed to give you more energy, reduce stress and make you feel good - it does none of these for me. Needless to say that I am ready for a nice weekend at home with my family. My motto for the week was - keep breathing. It worked, I have almost made it through it.

Thanks for listening - so much cheaper than a shrink.